Relationships

Relationships

By Dick Evans, 11-29-2016

Over the past couple of weeks I have posted a number of brief writings on relationships. This is the expanded and complete writing all at once...

Ephesians 5:25-27 NKJV

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.

We are the sons and daughters of God. We are His church, the bride of Christ. And He is grooming us to be a pure bride without spot of blemish for our wedding day with Him.  

Speaking of weddings and therefore marriage. It is wonderful to live in America where husbands and wives live under Biblical principles.

A marriage succeeds when these principles are followed, even when the participants are not Christians. When they treat each other with love and respect. When each realize that their happiness together is not 50-50. That each is 100% responsible for the outcome.

I can't imagine living in another area of the world where wives are treated like servants created to serve their masters...their husbands.

Genesis 2:22-24 NIV

Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.

I hear some men quoting from Genesis to point out that woman was made of man and therefore man is superior. They miss verse 24 that tells us a man and a woman join in marriage and become one flesh. Together we are one. And yet we treat each other as though we were treating our self. Sure, there may be tasks in this earthly life that are more suited to one than the other because of experience or God given talents.

I used to counsel couples and thought the man should always be in charge of the finances. I had roles in my head based on how I grew up and nothing else. I found out that it is more important to discover the talents each have and encourage them to use them in building their life together. Often the wife is better at managing the finances. In some relationships the man is better at keeping an organized home. There is no list of what duties a wife must do and a man must do. It is a 100%-100% relationship. Find out what works and work it.

Television has been a poor example for us over the years. Back in the last century many shows depicted the woman as taking on all the inside work at home and slaving over the husband. He would come home from a day at work and fall into the sofa with a drink in his hand expecting to be waited on. And today's shows have the man at home raising the kids while the wife earns a living. The way I see it, neither are good examples of successful marriages.

Ephesians 5:22-33

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Another scripture where men only read the first line or two. Wife submit to your husband... But what does submit mean? I believe it means to listen to, to have open communications with. It does not mean as a slave does to a master. So submit to Christ, but not as a slave, but as His bond servant because together we are one with Him.

Then, if the man should read it, Paul goes on to explain that men are to love their wives as Christ loves us, the church. To love their wives as their own bodies. And that he who loves his wife loves himself. And the wife must respect her husband. Marriage is about the two becoming one and this does not just happen. It takes love, yes, but also communications and a love of Christ as the center of it all.

Let us remember that in Christ we are all equal. Male and female. In heaven as well. Made to worship the Father in all we do.

So men, remember the words of Christ in Matthew 7:12: “So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.” Treat your woman as you would like her to treat you or expect her to treat you like you do her. Treat her with the love of Christ in word and in action.

Colossians 3:18-19 NIV

Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.

How often is a man harsh with a woman or a woman harsh with her man? In many relationships this is a daily occurrence. Words once spoken cannot be taken back and hurt for a long time. Often these harsh words cut deeply into a relationship and it takes a long time for trust to return. Without trust there is a big hole in any relationship even to the extent that the relationship can no longer continue.

How often to we seek God’s face, but because of things we have been told in the past through wrong teaching, we wonder if we can trust even Him? Yet God is trustworthy. He never lies and will never cause anything to harm us. He loves us unconditionally no matter what we do. And isn’t this how our marriages should be? We pledge to love and honor each other until death do us part. Is it time to live up to that pledge in your relationship?

1 Corinthians 7:3-5 NIV

The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Sex is a topic of everyday life in our crazy current culture. Advertising campaign are designed with the fact that “sex sells” and our television shows and movies are filled with innuendoes and even explicit scenes.

God gave us our bodies and it is alright to do what you want with them, you say. This a truth mixed with a lie from satan. Men and woman were made for each other and to take pleasure in each other physically and spiritually. We are committed to each other in a bond blessed by God, in marriage, and we are to yield to each other as the two become one flesh. It is not about the man or the woman but of the one they have become.

If each partner is focused on pleasing the other, the union is complete. If one withholds from the other it gives a door for satan to come and destroy what God has blessed. This often leads to adultery or worse. Satan can make the worst sound like the best. He is a liar and a destroyer of lives and marriage. So beware of his temptation. Love your partner in all ways.

Hebrews 13:4 NIV

Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

We live in a culture, in a world, where everyone seems to listen to WIFM or the “what’s in it for me” station. They do many things for their own pleasure. They are often self centered and self righteous.

If in our marriages we only looked to please our spouse there would be less issues, especially in the marriage bed. But too many are only interested in being pleased by the other. And when that happens one person comes away unfulfilled.

And when one is unfulfilled there is a big door for satan to step through and suggest some of these websites promoting adultery. They are geared to attracting men or women whose “needs” are not being met in their marriage. Often singles are drawn in as well because they can be “fulfilled” without being concerned about a long term relationship. And everyone is doing it, you think, so why would it be wrong?

This becomes the beginning of the end of a marriage. It becomes the beginning of the end of an entire society. Sexual immorality is not of God just because it feels good. As a born again Christian you know better then to fall into that trap of satan. We may be able to excuse away that feeling we have, but in our heart we know better.

But what about grace? How does grace come into play when we knowingly sin?

Our sin is forgiven forever. Grace covers us when we sin. And yet our lives are to be holy as He is holy. How can that be if we continue to sin?

As we walk with Christ we build our relationship with Him. There is no sin in Him and when we continue to walk in sin we do not get as close as we could to Him.

Jesus is looking for a pure clean bride. As we sin we remain dirty. He still loves us. He still covers us with His blood. He still protects us. We still walk in His grace. Yet we know we want to be closer to Him. To do that we cannot continue to walk in known sin.

And sexual sin is the worst. What we look at on our computers may be hidden from the world but He knows. It is sin.

What we do behind closed doors may not be visible to others. But He knows because He is in us. He forgives our sin and yet He knows our sin.

We are already forgiven but confession of our sins is simply agreeing with God that we need to let go of the sin we are dealing with. We need to recognize the change we need to make

Lord help me to be a pure bride. Help me to not remain in the sinful positions I have allowed in my life. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.